Does anyone ever get over losing their mother?

With Mother's Day upon us, I share some of my views about my mother, me and our relationship. I am sure there are many women who experience this same unsettling expereince.

Dear Mom,

Does everyone take so long to get over losing their mother? Perhaps the question is does anyone ever get over losing their mother? Five plus years and the hurt still lingers. The hole no longer gapes, but it remains open.

How can I think of you less? When I see my hands, it’s like seeing your hands. (Did you realize how much I used to look at your hands….and feet?) With your rings on the same fingers on my hands as on yours, they become your hands; the shape of my nails is an imprint of yours; the skin crinckles over my knuckles in the same pattern.

When I catch an unexpected glimpse of myself in the mirror, my nose and mouth surrounded by freckles are the reflection of yours not my own. Did you realize how much I used to watch you in front of the mirror at your bathroom sink? How you washed your face: my movements unconsciously mimmick yours. How you combed and brushed your hair: my strokes are the same as yours. How you applied your creams and makeup: my circular motions are a mirror image of yours. How can I allow you to recede into the background when I see you daily in my reflection in the mirror?

My pot-belly, non-toned leg muscles and droopy b&b’s (butt and boobs) are following the same aging pattern.

You are in me, I am part of you, even in your absence. And these daily reminders keep the hole of that absence close to the surface.