A Stranger in a Strange Land

Maggie Rose from marginalviews posted a piece this week about her countdown to going home, how she misses it and her adult children, and the feelings of being a stranger in a strange land. It opened something in me that I seem to have just needed to express, so I share some of the thoughts and musings it awakened in me.

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As a fellow ex pat I go through what you are going through frequently, but my children are not yet adult, they are born and bred Spanish, so it is my parents, my brother and his kids I long to see. But my parents are in a place I will not get to for a long time yet (I hope) and my brother is not in my home town. So I long to go home to a time, place and feeling of love, family camaraderie and security that does not exist anymore. How the question "is it a past time you long to go back to?" stabbed at my heart.

On being a stranger in a strange land, I am that here, but last evening on an outing to a dance event at the local Casa de Cultura in town I kissed in greeting many of my spanish friends, said hello to another handful of faces I know from one facet or other of community life here. But I am the American outsider. When I visit the US after 20 years away, I do not have a community feeling anywhere (no doubt I would if I lived there for awhile...) and with my changed perspective on the US and its values, I am the American from Europe outsider. So I often feel a stranger in a strange land on both sides of the 'puddle' as they say here. I long not to have to explain myself, or traditions and customs, to not have to be careful to say the wrong thing in the wrong way or the right thing in the wrong way.

But this is my path, and mostly I give thanks for it, for it has shown me happiness and offers abundance of many kinds, but I do cross these areas of shadow from time to time. Perhaps it's the approach of Thanksgiving and Christmas, that brings a bit of darkness to the path this month.

On an enthusiastic note, I must tell you that there are about 7 of us American women married to Spaniards, and we get together every month or two and it is with them that I do not feel a stranger nor do I have to explain myself, because they feel the same. SO for the first time in the 6 years we have been meeting we are doing a joint Thanksgiving next Sat. (Nobody can get Thursday off work here, obviously.) And I am so excited about sharing that day in a warm family, group atmosphere, where the traditions need no explanations, the kids are at the kiddy table off to the side, the men talk about sports and the women are a supportive, chatty group in the kitchen and around the table. We will be 32 in all. Thank goodness another woman is hosting it in her huge house, not yet fully furnished.....Truly I can't wait! It reminds of the anticipation I felt when I was young and we joined with our distant cousins and grandparents, or when I'd come from school for big hugs and gatherings at a bountiful table!

Thank you for provoking this Maggie, it feels better now.