Why have I rejected the coverage of the Boston bombings this week?

I have stayed on the fringes of this weeks pervasive coverage of the Boston explosion and subsequent manhunt with corresponding lockdown, and I have spoken very little about it to my Spanish husband, both non Spanish and Spanish friends here in Spain, and I have shied away from Facebook comments on it. Usually I watch the coverage of these types of events on all the international cable news stations I am fortunate enough to get here in Spain,  Spanish News, BBC, CNN, Fox, France´s TV5, Aljazeera in English, Russia´s RTE. I am a keen observer of the differences in the coverage, the nuances in the way a story is presented and then repeatedly reported picking out the variance in points of view of the major news event. I don´t have time to do this regularly with no major event or tragedy occupying 80% of the news coverage, but in these cases it is an insightful and interesting exercise for me on different country´s or cultures points of view of international events and issues, like this bombing in Boston.

In this case however, I have realized that I have only listened briefly to CNN and Spanish coverage, after scanning headlines in a few online sources I have only read a few articles, and I ask myself why. I have tried to look deep into this rejection I feel for this coverage to determine where it is rooted, I am not sure that I have found the answer but here is what my initial responses to that query say:

·         More and more I reject violence and aggressiveness, I have come to hate most Hollywood productions of good vs. evil where both the “good” guys and the “evil” guys use the same tactics to achieve their means – killing in many forms via hate, violence, weaponry and special effects.  These issues are pervasive in video games that so much of our population under the age of 40 play, and we see a proliferation of aggressiveness and violence in the day to day life in the U.S. So I refuse to partake in these movies and games because they make me feel uncomfortable and angry that these are the images we inundate our kids and youth with, and the ones that more and more they emulate. I decide to focus on the positive in my life and our society, and to think about how the world would be different if we focused on using other means to truly achieve a better world with more equality and less suffering so that the “evil” would have much less fertile ground to take root in. I believe these means are - understanding of your enemy/rival and their hate of you; empathy towards that hate, (because it is probably so similar to my own): a negotiated resolution where real compromise is made to reduce the situation/reason that cause the hate; helping to eradicate the many issues that often feed that hate:  suffering and poverty on the “weak/poor” via abuse and selfish actions of the “strong/rich”  - starvation, lack of health care, fear of other (countrymen as well as the military and police organizations supposedly there to protect them.) So I rejected the images of similar scenes in Boston - swat teams and police all over the streets . the “good”  hunting the “evil”.

 

·         More and more I reject the American reaction of festive celebration when the “enemy” is defeated – like those that partied in the street when Bin Laden was killed, and the applause and hero parade type atmosphere that was created when the 2^nd suspect was apprehended. 

 

       Yes, I understand that the U.S. protects itself and attempts to keep itself safe from these types of “terrorists” and that the citizens want to maintain their feeling of being protected and ability to live free of fear, but there is something that makes me reject the celebratory reaction. Perhaps it comes down to the fact that I think these events are sad, at the end of the day killing another human being is tragic and it highlights that we are in a society that somehow promotes the hate and division that make the “killing of the enemy” a necessity, and a celebrated one at that. And yes I would have a hard time arguing against the argument that if the authorities hadn´t done that job then how could the “good” U.S. citizens continue to live in safety, and yes there needs to be protection and then action so others thinking of similar action would be deterred. But at the same time I ask if the celebratory reactions don´t actually fuel the fire of those who already may consider similar action because they feel ostracized from, envious of, hateful towards the U.S.  And again it perpetrated the “good” vs “evil” story  that is used to legitimate wars, the huge military budget and the ultimately the whole arms and defense industry.

 

·         I also hate the personal coverage of the ones involved. The “heroes”:  the survivors, the family members of the perpetrators and those of the injured, the runners - I don´t know it seems like a three ring emotional circus built up to play on my heartstrings to further perpetuate the American need to have a “good” hero that saves us from “evil” or that reassures us that we are the “good” guys or the heroes. We fail to look at why the “evil” ones feel the urge, need, desire to hurt us – they are touted as heroes in their societies and we are touted as the “evil” ones, so the more we propogate that model, the more likely it is we will get more of the same instead of really making strides towards a truly better more peaceful world.   

In this inner reflection on why I have stayed on the periphery this week of all the coverage, and why I reject it, I have come to really realize that it represents what I reject in the way the American society (government, military, media, Hollywood, etc..) uses the good Hero vs the Evil enemy as a tool that has allowed them to become the sole “superpower” in today´s global world, but that by being so they have become one of the obstacles to a more just and peaceful world for all.

 

 

z

I used to be a reader, but now I´m a wannabe reader

 

I used to be a reader, I mean a real reader, one that started a book, finished it, and could discuss it, whether it was good or not, why I found it so, even if I didn´t like it talk about some redeeming quality, or if I did like reveal some of its not so redeeming qualities. Because, I can say, I have read books that I loved, but I would not call literary treasures or books to emulate, and books I disliked, but would tout as being of the highest quality writing.

 Now I am a wannabe reader, I start many books; I download or purchase books for my iPad and Kindle; I read bits here and there; I read the beginnings of the books I download the samples for, or the ones we publish in the self-publishing company I work for, or 2^nd hand bargains of ones I always wanted to read - but I seldom finish any of them. The result is I don´t feel like I read anything. Nothing pulls me in and takes me to those imaginary worlds with those loveable (or hateable) characters we die to meet (or pray we never do). So it is unfulfilling this jump-about reading, like a frog looking for the warmest lily pad but never landing long enough to feel the rays. Instead of feeling relaxed and de-stressed after a round of reading, I feel unsettled and anxious after a bout of book hopping.

Is it the quality of the books I choose? The subject matters? The shallow characters, the flat language, scenarios I can´t relate to? All of the above perhaps. Or is it this multi-tasking high paced digital world we live in where we read in “soundbites” to get the gist because we must get on to the next thing to read in case we miss something  -whether it´s a book, Facebook, a blog, or a publications webpage. We have become excellent scanners, marathon skimmers, but the skills of reading, old fashioned concentrated reading become harder and harder to maintain. It takes time to practice them and keep your reading edge, and a great book, or at least ONE that captivates you, to keep you working at that exercise.

I want to practice at being a reader again, and progress beyond my wannabe reader plateau. Should I search for that great book that hooks me, or go back to the one that is masterly written but doesn´t quite captivate me and just stick with it?
I´ll let you know soon the decision I made.

The new reality

This is no longer a crisis, this is the new reality.

I heard this line the other day and I have been thinking about it ever since. It is exactly true. Despite the fact that the talking heads - economists, journalists, politicians, political and social analysts - continue to talk about the crisis and how to get out of it, returning to the growing, spending economic situation of 3 or 4 years ago, the same situation that got us here, we are evolving into this new reality.
I have also been thinking about the important psychological shift that this implies. If we are in a crisis that the economists, big businesses, investors, bankers, politicians and government are going to resolve and bring us out of, then we are waiting for others to resolve our personal woes. We make others responsible for us finding a job; for us being able to obtain or maintain a home, whether renting or buying one; for us to lack the fear to start or invest in something new. However if we stop using the word crisis and accept that this is the new reality and realize that these are the new times and circumstances that are ours to live, then all of a sudden the responsibility to move forward in life is our own.
I must create my own job and income, by searching my talents, abilities, experience, creativity and passion and by being aware of the needs and wants of others that I can fulfill with these talents. Then I must take the steps to put my conclusions into action to generate income.
I must adjust my expectations of my housing situation to meet the new needs of these changing times – live in a smaller space, perhaps in a different neighborhood or city; rent vs. own my home; divide up my large space into individual smaller spaces to rent out, offer or accept a room in a home that has more than enough space, perhaps in exchange for work rendered – on other words, let go of the social status symbols and material demands that have been put on me – and begin to live more freely in a place that suits new circumstances. These changes offer many benefits including a manageable cost for housing, lower energy demands and costs, more freedom of movement when job or personal desire demands it.
I must accept that I, personally, and we as a developed nation, may not get back to the boom times of the consumerism and material desires of the recent past. I must re-examine my values and place importance on the aspects of myself and life that money cannot buy: love, family, friendship, time dedicated to them, natural beauty, integrity, goodness, generosity of spirit, self discovery and development, enjoyment of the moment. And then it is my responsibility to move forward in my life in this new reality based on these new realizations, self understanding and strength.

If it is difficult to find your talents and passions, your values, or the strength and ability to implement them, then ask for help. There are many able and willing to help, and these new times encompass the shift from selfish accumulation and spending to community collaboration and support from acquaintances and strangers alike.

This is no longer a crisis, this is the new reality. Are you ready to make the psychological shift that it implies? And if you already have, how can you help others make that shift?

I can see clearly now

A Winter Fog

There is a winter fog hovering over me,
it´s weightlessness a farce as it sets heavy on my shoulders.
I wish to throw it off so I can progress with clarity into this new year
but it eludes my grasp and dances about keeping me under its influence.

There is a list of resolutions beckoning me,
its fresh content and possibilities call me from the other side.
I imagine delving into them and awakening anew

But the leaden shroud of mist hangs on and hinders my advance.

Alone I wish to dissolve it, to reach the other side
however, in company I find myself each day and
this is a challenge I must face in solitude and silence
concentrating on dissipating the veil in order to move forward freely.

Soon the house will be quiet, I will be alone
and the rays of sunny solitude
will burn off the fog.

Where am I?

How far am I from me? But I am here always, constantly by my side. Then the question perhaps is, how far is me from where I am? I am not sure: close by, often sitting in my lap, but many other times ME is drifting, disappeared, distant, darkened. I must shine the light again, to illuminate the path that brings ME back to where I am, or that makes it easier that I move closer to the distant ME. The two are longing to be reunited on the same bright path, I know it.

Where am I, where am I going?

I rattle around in my mind like I rattle around in my dreams:

disorientated and confused in a familiar yet unknown, undefined place.

Which road to take, corner to turn, shortcut to choose or forgoe, landmark to guide myself by?

Where am I, why am I here - in this familiar yet unknown place - where am I going and how do I get there?

I rattle around in my mind like I rattle around in my dreams...

Like Pebbles On Water

All of our actions are like pebbles on water, leaving ripples whose effects are broad and unknown. May the ripples of our acts cause others to make their own positive, far reaching ripples. May we live in peace and generosity knowing this is so.

A Soft Flutter of Newly Found Wings

In this country of mine, from which I have been absent for 22 years, I was lost..

But I am found in my soul of knowing who I am. I am a peaceful heart, loving being, joyful woman,
one who wishes to help others discover who they are in their own souls of knowing.

They are not a big house, or a job that provides money but not joy; they are not their cars or their children or their children's achievements.

They are a wealth of talent, creativity and blessings that they are no longer aware of.
They must go away and listen to their souls.
Turn off the commands, turn down the expectations, flee from the noise....

towards the silence of nature where their soul will unfurl itself in its long lost element,
where their gifts, creativity and blessings will unwind the tightly woven silk strings of their oppressing cocoon..

in order to fly towards sunlight, freedom and discovery like a butterfly.
They will flit from one beautiful flower to another for the sheer pleasure of the uniqueness of who they are there, at that moment,

until they land confidently on their destined perch, gently settling with a soft flutter of their newly found wings.

Burkas in America

My flight from London arrived yesterday into Washington Dulles Airport at the same time as a flight from Riahd Saudi Arabia. I was at first surprised by, and then curious about the many women in burkas, it is the first time I have seen them in person. As we made our way to the US Citizens line in the immigration area I noticed a family of four. A young father two children around 5 and 6 and an obviously young petite woman covered from head to foot, except her eyes, in black. All the other burkas and their groups were in the non-US citizen lines. So I proceeded to watch the advancement of this family in the immigration process to see if the immigration officer would make her lift the veil in order to compare her face to her passport picture.
What surprise, indignation and anger I felt when HE DID NOT!
What? Was there a James Bond like eye tester machine she looked into to confirm her identity? There wasn't one in my line... How did he know she was who her passport said, or was that photo of a veil and two eyes too?
We as airline passengers are foreced into ridiculous and degrading security measures at every airport world wide because of Islam sponsored terrorism and yet the women are allowed to enter into the US (and this one as a US citizen!) without showing her face because it's against Islam!! What about our security? PLEASE! We need to set rules for ALL based on OUR customs and beliefs and security needs.
I am not saying they should have to remove them during their stay here, (although I'd like a debate on that) but at least to enter the country!
Since I have read the book Infidel by Ayaan Hirsi Ali, I have become much more supportive of our nation putting our foot down, and walking less on eggshells about applying our cultural, constitutional and American values. If anyone doesn't like it, then they are welcome to return to the countries they have immigrated from, if those traditions are so great stay where they are accepted.

Dad's on the Plaza

I was sitting in the central Plaza de la Merced in the heart of historical Malaga around noon yesterday for about 30 minutes , and in that time I watched five different men spending time with their children in the plaza. They ranged from 25 - 30 years old I would guess and the children ranged from a few months in a tummy pack to toddlers of 2 or 3 with tricycles or a ball. They were not toting the kids with them from point A to point B in strollers, rather they were taking them for a morning stroll and playtime in the plaza.
There were no women with kids in the plaza at this time, and only a couple of the fathers (I assume they were the fathers) seemed to be communicating with each other. Mostly they were just letting their child walk and toddle around, or observe the goings on of the plaza from a perch on their daddy's tummy. All seemed quite content to be doing so.
I was surprised, curious and impressed, and convinced that we are on the right path: Children need to be raised by their parents, not in a nursery school, but it doesn't always have to be the mother that stays home to do so, it depends on each couple's abilities, desires and circumstances. Dad's on the plaza enjoying their kids and vice versa is a lovely option.

Returning to the old or fundamental change?

I enjoy spending weekend mornings listening to all the current affairs debate and discussion shows on the international news channels we get: CNN Int’l (a far better cry from the American CNN), BBC Int’l., Al Jazeera, TV5 - France’s English version, Spain’s CNN or 24 hours news station. Subjects range from Int’l. politics, to green initiatives in many cultures, healthcare, education, social justice subjects or the economy. Recently there have been panels made up of financial experts of every kind talking about this “economic crisis”. This morning I listened to another one on BBC Int’l. focusing on whether we’ve hit the bottom and are now coming out of it. Every time I hear these debates it strikes me that there is always a tone of “returning”, “recuperating”, “getting back to stability”, perhaps with a few more regulations, but there is no discussion of a FUNDAMENTAL change in what drives the economy – personal consumption.

The economy has been driven by the developed world’s consumption of disposable goods for decades; it is a policy direction that was voiced after WWll (see the History of Stuff for a quick overview of the policy and system http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLBE5QAYXp8). But now that so many of us have greatly reduced our consumption – of luxury items, an abundance of trendy fashion, bigger houses, all the furniture and decorative paraphernalia that goes with them, new cars every three years, and a lot of other non-essential “stuff”, do we the consumers really want to go back to the previous levels of consumption, and will we be capable of it, both financially and morally?

I perceive a collective sigh of relief at now having a legitimate reason to slow down the consumption that goes against so many of our grains – against what we learned from and admired in our grandmothers, against the false and short lived joy we got from buying things that we or someone else thought we had to have, against the time we spend shopping – taking it away from friends, family, ourselves or even projects that help others. I think we are ready to move towards other things that fulfill us more and that perhaps we “need” more as well.

By buying less we feel better: we stay within our budget, our environmental footprint is reduced, we have more time with our family and friends, we do things we haven’t had time for, perhaps we take a course and learn new things, all things that fill our soul not our home or closet – that are already overflowing. But this continues to have a negative effect on the employment numbers on a global level, we buy less, there are less revenues, companies cut jobs, those employees consume less so others loose their jobs, now not only in manufacturing and sales outlets, but in the periphery industries like packaging, advertising, graphic design, support services, etc.. It is a downward spiral that hasn’t seen its bottom yet. So now many unemployed have hard time just keeping up with what they really "need".

So in the debates when they talk about consumer trends, the economy, the financial sector, they do so in a mutually exclusive manner from the debates on sustainability, environment, education, healthcare, food supply, water availability, all issues that our global future depends on. Instead they continue to talk about when are we going to be back to where we were, rather than how to we create a new economic order based not on people going back to the consumption model but rather on people going into things that improve so many of the areas that have been ignored or damaged by these decades of consumer based economy.

Maybe this is why Obama is focusing on many of these issues, because the private sector has been too busy with earning, earning, consuming, consuming and not enough on these low profit, non-tangibles that benefit everyone. So now as the government looks to healthcare, the environment and improved education for all levels of the population, you would think a discussion of a FUNDAMENTAL change in what drives the economy would be included on these Int’l. programs and at these big G20 summits, but sadly they are not.

That is the discussion I want to hear, I want to be a part of. How can we all make a living that supports our needs – not our over the top whims – and whose results will help others achieve the same ability, not only in the USA but around the world? How do we go forward economically to a new order that benefits most rather than back to the same old one that only worked for some? When will BBC or CNN or FOX or CNBC have those discussions?

Indulgent Sunday

What a beautiful indulgent Sunday! It is cooler and crisper than it has been in weeks, the oppressive humidity dissipated to who knows where. The light morning lends a sharpness to my recently coiffed impatients and geraniums, the breeze brings wafts of jasmine with it. It is 10oC cooler outside than in, a flip flop over the past few days, and I must be out and enjoy it. How fortunate that I have started a new/old book, Garlic and Sapphires, lent to me this past week by a friend who knows me well.
Recently I have been lent books by friends who have said, ‘I thought you’d enjoy this’ and I realized how well they knew me. Those are the books I have most enjoyed reading this summer. In addition to Sapphires and Garlic by there’s also been Infidel by Ayaan Hirsi Ali, and Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen. All different one from the other, but all stories that have pulled me in and appealed to different facets of who I am. Thank goodness for friends that think of me when they read!
So I made a pot of coffee, grabbed my book, retrieved my glasses and took to my reading lounger on the porch, saying to myself ‘OK Amy, you get an hour, until it gets too hot, and then you must get back to finishing the report on your project they’ll be expecting next week.’ Well, after an hour and the first cup of coffee, I forced myself to break from the adventures of Ruth Reichl, the New York Times restaurant critic who entertains with her beguiling tales of disguises and delectables in the Manhattan restaurant scene. A pang of hunger finally hit me, after no supper last night and all these mouth watering food descriptions. I wondered how it had taken so long, actually. ‘OK Amy,’ I said to myself, ‘make yourself a Sunday breakfast, enjoy the next chapter and a bit more of the breeze as accompaniments and then hit the computer.’
Scrambled eggs, yesterday’s “rustic loaf” toasted with apricot jam, and fruit salad with a splash of amaretto to compliment the odd mix of everything fresh I had on hand: pineapple, peach, melon, apple, pear and grapes off our vine – an odd but refreshing combination, perfect for a peaceful Sunday morning. While finishing the last of the 2nd cup of coffee, I started another chapter.
This woman and her antics, and mostly her beautiful writing, just sucked me in. I didn’t want to put her down. I wanted to be her, to be able to eat 4, 5 or 6 times at the best restaurants not worrying about the cost. I wanted to know food and have the culinary experience and ability to decipher even the most obscure ingredients: squid ink, chocolate in a burgundy sauce, something sweet turning out to be pineapple juice in a Japanese soup. I wanted to be able to disguise myself into someone unrecognizable and then take on a whole new persona to discover parts if me I didn’t even know (or was afraid to know) existed. I haven’t fantasized about being a character in a novel for decades. I am charmed.
Third cup of coffee (only a half – I never have more than two) and I pass the halfway mark of the book. The humidity is still low, the breeze coming around the corner from the patio to my spot on the porch is still fresh and cool, the bees humming in the jasmine are a comforting background noise, so much better than the racket of the lotus’, whose buzzing has been like an non-stop chain saw this past week.
So now I’m on apple juice and sharing my Sunday bliss for a later posting on my blog, and I argue to myself ‘Well Amy, if the report has waited all July to get finished, another Sunday won;t make that much of a difference.’
An evening glass of wine and now I’ve finished the book. What a beautiful indulgent Sunday.

Black or White

I looked at the photos from the Memorial to Michael Jackson held at the Apollo theater in Harlem this week and I couldn't help but observe the 99% black crowd. I found it interesting that they would "worship" a black man who tried to become white. Of course the posters and t-shirts being bought and shown off were images of his Jackson 5 days, Bad and Off the Wall, when he still looked black. I also observed that many who surrounded him, like his doctor and nutritionist, were black. So I ask, if he appealed to his race and supoprted those of his race professionaly, why did he try and look white?

When was the last time you went out to play?

It was hot on Sunday, I spent a good part of the day doing laundry and cleaning the house. So at about 6pm I put on the bikini and dove into the pool without even testing the water.

I proceeded to "play" in the pool like I did as a kid. I am grateful that at my middle age I can still do front and back summersaults in the water, often two in one breath. I can still reach a balance and hold a handstand for more than 10 seconds,

I can still do several backhandsprings (in the water) in a row, getting dizzy and feeling my body weight differently, just like I used to do when I was 12 or 13. (OK so I was a gymnast in my teens) What fun I had playing in the pool! Diving in, swimming lengths in one breath, kicking as hard as I could to make big waves. My 16 year old daughter and her boyfriend could only smile at me in surprised wonder and then take some pictures. I felt myself smiling the whole time too. And what good exercise it was! When was the last time you went out to play?
Last one in is a rotten egg!

Back to the Barter

With changes abounding in our economics, personal, national and global, we should consider how we can bring back the old fashioned barter system into our lives. Yesterday I gave a friend Reiki and she gave me a massage. Neither can afford to pay for those services, that seem like luxuries, but that are actually essential for our over all well-being and for keeping stress at bay. It was a win-win arrangement. We have set another date in two weeks.

Beat the crisis - go back to the barter system.. what can you offer? what can you receive?

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

I am grateful for a couple of hours of laughter and songs with my 16 yr old and one of her best friends. She took the microphone and small sound system I have outside to practice her songs for the talent show next month. She's a good singer and performer and has participated in the local edition of the X-Factor and past talent shows, and of course as a mother, I LOVE watching and listening to her. So I dropped all my "must dos" to take advantage of the opportunity! She sang some past numbers and "hammed up" Somewhere over the Rainbow (one of her dad's favorites). In her exageration of the emotion of it, she really made it 'hers' and powerful. Then she got her friend into duets and sillyness and we laughed heartily. Wonderful way to spend my afternoon.

Happy Mother's Day to All you Mothers!
Am grateful that I got my relaxed day of paella and beer with husband and girls at the beachside restaurant down the hill from our house, walk on the beach, siesta and a couple hours of reading to finish As I Lay Dying (william Faulkner) for Tuesday's book club I lead.

Now to read "Bodas de Sangre" Blood Wedding by Garcia Lorca to help my daughter with it for her class assignmnet.

One of my New Year's "resolutions" (why do I hate that word? or whole concept for that matter, yet still fall prey to it? Maybe for another blog entry I'll go there) was to keep a "gratitude journal". I didn't find a journal, calendar, or other writing vehicle that I liked for it (read procrastination or hesitation?) so when I finally broke down and opened a Facebook page - for socialogical research I told myself - I decided my regular commentary would be on something I was grateful for. As much for my own good as a possible inspiration to others to remember all the positive things instead of the negative things in their lives.

So here are a few of my recent ones - and since it has been become difficult for me to write longer entries on this blog space, I will include them here as well in the future.

I'm grateful for happy childhood and teen memories, triggered by songs on the "classic hits" stations. The more I know, the more I realize how fortunate I was to have been loved the way I was by my parents.

I'm grateful for the family gathering to celebrate Spanish Mother's Day. Today I cooked and entertained - maybe I'll get paella at the beach next week on US Mother's Day!

I'm grateful for the unconditional love of our 4 legged friends: Jessie the blonde lab, Nico the tabby cat, Lily the black and white cat. Comforting on a low day...joyful always!

I'm grateful for the fact that our teenage girls ask me to fix vegetables and "healthy food" especially after circumstances have had them missing the daily home cooked meal. All that work of insisting they eat some "green" every day pays off!

Happy Easter!

As described in my posts below, Holy Week celebrations here in Spain focus on the Passion, the suffering, the crucifiction and so little on the JOY of Christ's resurection and life. Easter Sunday is almost a let down after all the rituals they perform in their processions all Holy Week long.

So today I am focusing on the Joy of Resurection and Love of Jesus, to inspire me to continue in my desire to treat others as I wish to be treated out of love and generosity, not envy, mistrust or selfishness.

I wish you the same inspirations and blessings in God's love on this Easter weekend.